Monday, August 7, 2017

The 'in-law' relationship of respect and hate

You grumble to yourself and quietly continue with your work.

Your mother-in-law is watching TV, and you are cooking in the kitchen, having to cook 10 different items in 40 minutes time, and then rush to get the kids ready for school, pack your husband's tiffin box, and your kid's tiffin boxes and your tiffin box, keep lunch for the in-laws in casseroles on the table, and then take a shower, drop off the kids to the school bus, and rush to office.

Atleast your mom-in-law could help with the kitchen, or maybe packing the tiffins or getting the kids ready! But she prefers to watch you struggle, while a saas-bahu soap goes on, on the TV.

If you identify yourself with a similar situation, then maybe its time to change things. Maybe the change should begin with you and the saying 'Be the Change you wish to see' should be put into action.

Practically, in this case, it would mean that you do unto your mom-in-law as you expect her to do unto you.

We all vibrate with energies. The energies that we vibrate with, also affect the people we interact with and as a result, their behavior with us.

So if you are having a positive vibration when dealing with your in-laws, you will get positive vibrations back from them, and if you are having negative vibrations while dealing with your in-laws, you will get negative vibrations back from them.

It may be true that your mother-in-law must be the one who started the negative vibes first, but can you be the one to start the positive vibes first?

If you find it difficult to suddenly start feeling positive about your mother-in-law, then a sneak peek into her childhood and her life as a young married woman may help you understand the space that she is coming from. 

Chances are that, she may have had a tough childhood, where little or no affection must've been shown to her, and her life as a young married woman must've also been tough, with her mother-in-law making seemingly impossible demands on her. 

Having had no one to confide in all the hurt her heart held, and definitely having no way to escape the situation, she may have lived her past 50/60 years of life, in deep anger, resentment, hurt, hopelessness.

Her only dream being that the son she gave birth to, will one day bring her the freedom that she so desires. 

Knowing this now, do you not want to make things better for her? Do you not want to hug her and tell her that it'll be fine now? Do you not want to make her smile?

Now, can you think of how to make your mom-in-law smile?

She may have lived her entire life feeling so 'un-special'. Can you do something to make her feel special?

What would you like for someone to do, to make you feel special?

Maybe send you a bouquet of roses without any reason? Probably leave little notes of love in clandestine spaces? Probably cook special meals of your favorite food? Maybe take you out - only you, for a lavish dinner, with a surprise gift waiting for you? Something out of the ordinary routine and ordinary things - wouldn't that make you feel nice and special?

How about doing something special for your mother-in-law?

Do it without any expectations. Do not expect changes in her from the next day onward. Do it just because you want to show her that you care.

Do not do this for any show off. But just do it because inside that 60 year old mother-in-law is a little girl who never knew what it is to fly, and because you want to help her fly for the first time in 60 years!

She may not learn to fly in the first time, but do it because you are sure that she will learn it over time.

Do it because within you, is an unending supply of love and warmth that can help your mother-in-law feel loved and special.

Do it because you know that Love ALWAYS Wins. 

Sometimes the mom-in-law may have had a decent past, but she chooses not to see your troubles, not out of choice but because of her past social conditioning. Social conditioning that says that once you are a mother-in-law, you can take a back seat.

In such cases, have you ever tried talking to your mother-in-law and asking for help?

Some daughter-in-laws do not want to ask for help, out of respect, and also because they feel they will be looked down upon and everyone will say that they are not being a nice daughter-in-law!

So they continue to feel anger every single minute they are around their in-laws and sometimes share the reason of their anger with their friends and other family members also. 

But what is that anger doing to you Dearest One? It is only eating you up from inside. 

Where is this respect taking you? It is only a farce whereas in reality there is more and more disrespect being built in, for your mother-in-law.

And what is all this doing to your other relationships? It is creating more and more negative vibes around you, which are affecting all of your relationships.

If you want your children to help you with something, you ask them for it.

If you want your husband to help you with a task, you ask him for it.

If you wish your mother-in-law would help you with some tasks, you ask her for it.

Chances are that she will help you out.

Along with asking her for help, continue to shower her with the affection that she needs, and probably has been deprived off, in the past.

Wouldn't it be much better to live every single day in your life without feeling resentment for your mother-in-law just because you had the courage to ask for help. 

Wouldn't it feel great to be able to then do things for your mother-in-law and father-in-law, not from a space of deep seated anger, but from a space Deep Rooted Love.

When you ask her for help, do it with love. Pray to God and the Angels for help with this if you've never done it before. They will give you the strength to make the desired life changes.

If inspite of all this, harmony still evades the relation between you and your mother-in-law, then there is karma playing its role somewhere.

In such cases, you need to surrender the situation to God and pray. Pray for the strength to deal with this situation.

Pray and affirm positively. Affirm that you are living each day to your fullest potential, happily and positively. Affirm it in present tense not a future tense. Affirm it from the deepest part of your heart. Affirm it a thousand times a day - even if the statement is not yet true. Affirm it with a deep conviction that it is true.

When you can believe in it, then you can see it manifest as a reality in your life.

You will see that you are able to handle the situation with great ease, and that things have changed. The relationships have either moved apart so that you don't have to deal with that anger daily, or that they have become harmonious or that you have greater strength and support in dealing with the situation. 

Do not dictate what outcome you want, when you affirm positively. Leave the outcome to God. Just affirm that you are happy. How that happiness will reach you is now God's work.

If God has the power to create you, then He certainly has the power to change your life situations so as to bring you more love and joy.

Have faith and continue to Pray and Love nevertheless.


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